By morning, Jack had made up his mind.
And it was, without a doubt, the worst idea he had ever had.
He was going to pretend to be a vampire.
It sounded brilliant at 2 A.M. in the dark. But in daylight, it sounded… slightly less brilliant. Still, he couldn’t shake the thought. If vampires were real—and he was now 62 percent sure they were—then someone had to stop them. Why not him? He was brave. He was clever. He was… okay, not any of those things, but he was available.
At breakfast, he poked at his cereal and said casually,
“Mom, where do vampires live?”
Mom didn’t even look up from yelling at Dad. “In the dark castle near the woods.”
Jack froze. She said it like it was common knowledge, like she was giving directions to the grocery store.
“Wait—what dark castle?” he asked.
“The one nobody visits,” Mom said. Then she turned to Dad. “Carl, did you seriously make the dining chair dance?”
“It’s called innovation!” Dad said proudly, pressing a remote.
The chair immediately spun in a circle, wobbled, and fell over.
“See?” Dad said. “It has rhythm.”
Mom groaned. “It has a concussion.”
While they argued about the chair’s medical condition, Jack slipped away to begin his “transformation.”
He tied a curtain around his neck for a cape. It was purple, glittery, and smelled faintly of air freshener, but it fluttered nicely when he turned dramatically. Then he dusted his face with baby powder until he looked less like a vampire and more like someone who’d lost a fight with a donut.
For blood, he squeezed ketchup packets all over his shirt. It dripped down in sticky lines. He took one look in the mirror and whispered, “Terrifying.”
Then he sneezed because baby powder had gone up his nose.
“Okay,” he told his reflection, wiping his nose. “Terrifying-ish.”
Just then—
“BOO!”
Jack jumped so high he almost hit the ceiling.
Lucy stood behind him, grinning with pure evil. “Nice cape, Dracula Junior. Why do you smell like fries?”
Jack spun around, trying to look casual. “Uh—just… dressing up for fun.”
Lucy narrowed her eyes. “On a Wednesday morning?”
“Yes,” he said quickly. “For… uh… personal growth.”
Lucy blinked. “That’s the worst lie I’ve ever heard.”
“Then it’s working,” Jack said, shoving past her.
Lucy shrugged and went back to her math homework, mumbling something about how Jack couldn’t even count without his fingers.
Meanwhile, downstairs, Mom was shouting, Dad was dancing with the broken chair, and the house looked like a low-budget circus.
Perfect distraction.
Jack tiptoed to the door, pulled his “cape” close, and whispered, “Time to meet some vampires.”
Then he slipped out of the house and started walking toward the dark castle.
🌀 What Just Happened?
- Jack decided to stop vampires by pretending to be one. Bad idea.
- Mom casually revealed where vampires live, like it was a coffee shop.
- Dad invented a dancing chair and injured it immediately.
- Jack transformed himself using a curtain, baby powder, and ketchup.
- Jack snuck out of the house to walk toward the dark castle.
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