Jack followed Mira into the grand hall, which looked like a cross between a medieval courtroom and a very confused bat cave. Dozens of vampires sat in crooked chairs around a huge stone table. There were candles everywhere, most of them half-melted, dripping wax like the castle was crying.
Mira whispered, “Don’t make eye contact, don’t sneeze, and don’t ask if anyone sparkles.”
“Why would I—ACHOO!”
Every vampire in the room froze. Jack’s sneeze echoed through the hall like an explosion. He toppled backward off his chair and hit the floor with a crash.
Dozens of red eyes glowed in his direction.
Jack popped up instantly, smiling like a total maniac. “Heh. Allergic to… dust. Not… blood. Definitely not blood.”
He gave two thumbs up.
Nobody laughed.
Except Mira, who was facepalming so hard her hand squeaked against her forehead.
“Moving on,” said a deep voice from the front.
The vampire leader, Ben, stood. He was tall, pale, and wore a cloak so long it probably had its own zip code. His hair was slicked back like it was afraid of him.
“This year,” he boomed, “we shall NOT attack the town.”
The room erupted in gasps. One vampire raised an eyebrow so high it nearly flew off his face. “Not attack? But that’s our thing! Why not?”
Ben cleared his throat. “I have… important business to attend to.”
The vampire sitting next to him smirked. “He means his gaming controller broke again.”
The room exploded in laughter.
Ben turned bright red (or as red as vampires can get) and stomped on the joker’s foot.
“OW!” the vampire howled.
Another vampire, looking tired and wrapped in a blanket, raised a hand. “Actually, I agree with the boss. I could use a year off. Haven’t slept properly in a century.”
“Vampires don’t sleep!” someone shouted.
“Well, I do!” the tired vampire snapped. “Just during movies.”
A vampire in a frilly pink dress stood up dramatically. “We must go to the town! I was promised broccoli ice cream!”
Mira whispered, “Don’t ask. Just… don’t.”
The room descended into chaos—vampires shouting, chairs creaking, a bat flying through someone’s hair.
“Silence!” Ben roared, banging the table so hard a cup of suspicious red liquid wobbled dangerously. “We will vote later. Now, who is this new vampire?”
All eyes turned to Jack.
Jack’s brain shut down. His mouth, however, did not.
“Uh, me? Oh, I was just… thinking how peaceful it would be if we didn’t, you know, attack anyone. Just… relax. Maybe sleep?”
Ben’s eyes narrowed. “Sleep? Vampires don’t sleep.”
Jack’s brain screamed, Fix it, fix it, fix it!
Mira jumped in quickly. “What he means is—uh—hibernate! Like emotional hibernation! You know, self-care!”
The leader blinked. “Self… care?”
“Exactly,” Mira said confidently. “Spa night, blood facials, no pitchforks, no garlic mobs. Just… cozy vibes.”
The vampires murmured approvingly.
“Cozy vibes sound… nice,” one said.
“Can we get matching robes?” asked another.
“I call the black one with bat wings!” yelled a third.
Ben looked around, utterly defeated. “Fine. We’ll… consider it.”
And then—THUD.
Everyone turned as one vampire, clearly bored out of his coffin, fell asleep mid-meeting and collapsed sideways, knocking over the vampire next to him like dominoes.
The whole row went down with a crash.
Jack stared at the pile of tangled capes and groaning vampires and whispered, “So this is what happens when vampires don’t drink coffee.”
Mira sighed. “Welcome to the Fang Club.”
🌀 What Just Happened?
- Jack sneezed at a vampire meeting and fell off his chair.
- The vampire leader announced they might not attack the town this year.
- The real reason was a broken gaming controller.
- Vampires argued about sleep, broccoli ice cream, and cozy vibes.
- One vampire fell asleep and knocked over half the meeting.
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